First Free Will Baptist Church

2565 E 18th ST, Tucson AZ, 85716

Weekly Motivation

Relationship Series 4-Dealing with Conflict in Relationships

Posted on March 9, 2015 at 2:35 PM

Key verse is mathew 11:28-30 "Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give ye rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart: and ye shall find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

1) What is Conflict?

Conflict is defined as a perceived or actual barrier to one's goals.

     A. This is happens a lot in relationships-people get into relationships for different reasons, which also would be considered goals.

     B. The past couple week we have covered 3 places that can and do cause conflict.

          1. Conversations

          2. Finances

          3. What is true love and how do you show it.

     C. We see this conflict spiritually also.

          1. God wants us to be more like him, and go to heaven. The devil wanst us to reject all things of God and go to hell.

          2. God wants us to have God honoring relationships. The devil wants us to be alone, miserable, and defeated.

The 2 Types of Conflict are inner and outer. (spiritual fits into both of those categories)

Ephesians 6:12 "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedeness."

       A. Inner-insecurites, baggage from other relationshipos, lack of Jesus and spiritual growth.

       B. Outer-others, difficulties of life(life happens), the enemy

2) Things to avoid in conflict or prevent conflict.

     A. Being unequally yoked(joined) to unbeliever. 2 Corinthinans 6:14

          1. Avoid the "I can change the other," myth.

              A. Only Jesus can change the other, so wait

    B. Don't talk out of frustration

        1. Job's wife is a good example of this in Job 2:9 she says, "Does thou still retain thy integrity. Curse God and Die."

    C. Don't let things fester. Ephesians 4:26,27 "Be ye angry and sin not: let not the sun go down on your wrath: neither give place to the devil."

         1. Take care of it at the time, when it is a small spark, to prevent it from becoming a raging enferno. Also there is a full colon after the word wrath, which shows that if you do not do what it is saying, then you are giving place to the devil.

3) Things to do in Conflict

    A. Get closer to God, like our key verse is saying.

        1. The example of the triangle is a good illustration the closer you get to the top (God) the closer you are getting to each other. Also, it leaves less room for conflict to live.

             A. Only happens by having a surrendered to God attitude. James 1:8"Draw nigh(near) to God and he will draw nigh to you."

    B. Always be willing to forgive, even if you do not think you are wrong. Ephesians 4:32 "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

         1. Ask yourself this question-Do you want to be right, or have resolution.

         2. If you do-you will be amazed at how God brings conviction to the other.

         3. If you do not-it allows bitterness, which leads to failing of God's grace, which allows hope to be defeated in your life.

   C. Make a plan for arguing

        1. Should include no yelling, making derogatory comments about the other, or any type of violence

            A. Avoid you are statements, and concentrate on the issue which is leading to conflict

       2. Try the PAUSE method by Ken Sande

           1. Prepare for the argument

           2. Affirm the relationship-you love this person

           3. Understand the other's interest

           4. Search for creative answers

           5. Evaluate options objectively and reasonable.

A verse that is shows this principle at work is Daniel 1:11-16

     1. Daniel prepared his negotiating strategy

     2. Affirmed respect for those in authority

     3. Understood the others interests (healthy and productive workers)

     4. Searched for a solution that met both interests

     5. Evaluated the options objectively and reasonably(The hebrew children were healthier than the others that ate the kings meat)



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